Thursday, October 29, 2009

Job Hunting

As you may have gathered I sort of, kinda got made redundant at the end of August. I have to confess it's taken me a while to get used to doing nothing, it amazes me I ever had time to work ;o)

Still.... Having taken a few weeks off on a time out I've started my research for a new role... I would say hunting, but that assumes I know what is perfect for me and that perfect job actually exists in today's market.

I know what I like, what I'm good at, what I'm prepared to do and what not.... I am quite flexible....

I went to the job centre today and found adverts for the following three temporary jobs;


The questions is it an ELF;
or an ELF;
... and no, clearly this not an advert for THE E.L.F as we know there is only one of them... the job description reads thus;

As an ELF your duties will include; - 'Meeting and Greeting' children and their families, and assisting to ensure each child is photographed with Santa {can you imagine}
- Entertaining queues {What?! A long queue, lots of kids, and the elf needs to occupy them?}
- Assisting with the Father Christmas interview {That just sounds wrong - if santa's getting paid he can do the interview himself - bah humbug}
- Working the Till Point {Wait, the kids have to pay.... are you trying to tell me it's not a real Santa and in fact Santa's not real?}
- Refilling Santa sacks! {They have put the exclamation mark on that sentance, not me.. I fear that this may be the most exciting part of the day}
Experience in Customer Service or working with children is preferred, but not essential as full training is given.

... but no toy making in sight - this isn't what I imagined a real ELF's job to be... sigh...

... oh and don't worry as it does state that a criminal records bureau check is done to make sure you're not someone who shouldn't be doing that kinda job!

OK... so what else... of course;


Do you think it means this; having taken a look - that doesn't seem too Christmas like.....

So it must be for a proper supervisor then;
"If you think you have what it takes to run a Christmas Grotto Event we would love to hear from you!"
OK - I'm all ears..... normal ears mind, not elf ears....
"As a Grotto Supervisor (note capitals, must be important role - yes maybe I could rename the position Grotto Director...) you will be responsible for the day to day running of Santa's Grotto {eh oh, what if the Elf's rebel or something?}
Your job will include;
- Dealing with customers {they mean kids right? Oh and upset parents.. humm}
- Managing a team {oh lord they mean them pesky elfs}
- Control all administration {a.k.a the till} and any other duties as required {cha-chink there's the catch all}


Of course there is always;


Clearly in this day of equality there is no mention that the most suitable candidate is a man, of a certain age, preferably with beard and a nice demeanor.... or who can say "Ho! Ho! Ho!" in such a way as to not appear creepy.

"As Father Christmas you will be required to hold short conversations with children visiting the grotto, give them a present and also pose for a photo with each child."

... and here's the killer;

"A Father Christmas costume and full training will be provided"

Wait a minute... full training... to be Santa.... ?! Really?

Sigh.... I haven't put my application in yet for any of the above.

OH and I just realised... It's October still and I just spent a whole blog entry talking about Christmas!! Already! I'm as bad as the supermarket aisles who's shelves are staked with Christmas stuff already!!!


  1. A brilliant blog and good luck with the job search. I am also working my notice and need to find a new job in order to pay the bills.

  2. Hahahahahahah. Made me giggle.

    Best wishes with your job "hunt"

  3. Brian5:49 pm

    Well it could be worse - you could end up as a turkey stuffer at Bernard Matthews this time of the year.

    I like the idea of Santa if you get paid holidays.

    Is red not your colour - go for it.